Vape Jokes

1. I got pulled over and my vape was in my cup holder.

The cop said “you know, the news says those things are killing people.”
I chuckled and said “they’re saying the same thing about you guys.”
He didn’t laugh.

 

2. Compared with smokers, people who vape seem to be …

Held in more steam

 

3. How do people know when to vape?

They check their schejuul

 

4. Today I tried nicotine free juice in my vape

0 mg

 

5. I didn’t know you could vape a chocolate bar until…

…my wife told me to stop inhaling them.

 

6. How do you know if someone is a vegan hipster with an iPhone that vapes?

Don’t worry, they’ll tell you.

 

7. The guy who invented the vape died today.

He will be missed.

 

8.I put my vape on a necklace

Juulery

 

 9. Sam died…

And found himself in hell. Greeted by Satan, he started crying.
Confused, Satan asks him what’s wrong?
Well, I’m in literal Hell! Answered Samuel.
Oh, it’s not as bad here as you think. Tell me, do you drink?
Well, can’t say I’ve ever spat in a glass, Samuel answered.
Oh, then you’re going to love our Mondays! We have everything from mead to hard booze, liquor, whiskey, classic beer. And you don’t even have to worry about getting a hungover since you’re already dead!
Oh, really?
Yes, by the way. Do you happen to like the party?
Well, I did tend to relax a bit after work
Just wait for Tuesdays then! You can have fun with different people on Tuesday party. And you don’t have to worry about no energy since you’re already dead.
Damn, I’m already starting to like being dead!
You betcha! Do you happen to use drugs?
Well, I have tried them a couple of times.
Well, our Wednesdays are quite wild. We have everything from cocaine, to extract, meth and weed. And since you are already dead, there are no worries of overdosing!
Sweet!
It’s awesome isn’t it. If I recall, you were quite a gambler?
That I was, good evening were spent playing poker.
Well our Thursdays might be your favorite yet then. We just recently renovated our super casino. You can play with all the slots and cards you want.
Wow, this place is like an actual paradise!
I know right, do you happen to smoke?
Nope, I’m 100% vaper.
Damn, I don’t think you’re going to like our Fridays then.

 

10.If I sell an E-Cigarette to a minor.

Is that considered statutory vape?

 

11. Why smokers are not shouting on roads protesting against the vape ban?

They don’t have enough lung capacity

 

12. My wife doesn’t like it when our 3-year-old vapes.

She’s prefers that I call it breathing treatments for asthma.

 

13. What kind of flowers do you get someone who vapes?

Hazies

 

14. I met a vaping vampire.

He called himself Vlad the Inhaler.

 

15. I saw a hipster doing a 5K while vaping at the same time.

In the end, he was running on fumes.

 

16. The bro with the tribal tattoos that is blasting Nickelback and is vaping all the time, has an annoying voice.

But it’s mostly his axe-scent.

 

17. I don’t get vaping while taking a bathroom selfie

It’s all smoke and mirrors to me.

 

18. My dad tried to take the phone from me, saying he could get us a better deal on internet… I hate this man, lol

He took the phone, and said, in the voice of Freddie Mercury, “Is this the Wi-Fi? Is this just fantasy?… Caught in a landline, we don’t need AT&T…” and then passed the phone back. We already have AT&T, and I WAS ON THE PHONE WITH A FRIEND THAT DOES Account?, NOTHING TO DO WITH SOMEONE CALLING OUR HOUSE. No more Crock pot broccoli and cheese soup using weed butter for him. Good god… I’m almost impressed. We also haven’t had a landline in years. God bless this small dog wielding, vaping man.

 

19. I was going to smoke a turkey this Thanksgiving…

But they banned flavored vapes.

 

20. Imagine a world where monkeys have given up tobacco.

Planet of the Vapes

 

21. Got my buddy’s roommate

Her: does cool vape smoke trick

Family and friends: clapping

Me: “oh look she got the clap” Groans and disturbed faces were made

We will be happy to hear your thoughts

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